Scriptures of Teenage Legends
by screwthestandard101
Summary: Sirius is bored and decides to write to Lily over the summer. [Collab with MinuetOfSpring] [Chap 19 up! Updated June 12 07]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello there! This is Iamme writing. Also known as IJustWannaBeMe. This story is being co-written by ShadowW0lf, my buddy, Usagi. She shall be taking over the role as Lily Evans and I shall be writing as Sirius Black. Hope you enjoy this first chapter and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!**

Dear Evans,

How are you first off? Probably wondering why the great Sirius Black would be writing to you, right? Well for starters James seems to be on Holiday as he's not returning my letters, Remus takes ages to send a letter, (Probably looking up big words to put in it just to annoy me) and Peter will never be an option since his mother hates my guts.

Anyways James has been asking me this question for ages and I've finally decided to give in to the poor guy's petty attempts and ask you. We were wondering (We as in just James who is too much of a wimp to ask you): How do you get your hair so shiny?

After reading that I hope you're not too put off and read the rest of my letter. There's some interesting stuff in there.

A couple weeks ago James sent me an owl and asked me to give it to you saying you refused to answer his owls, so here it is:

_My Dearest Evans,_

_We've been apart it seems for so long. These past few weeks_ _have been torture for me, as I am not able to stare at your flowing hair from across the room or feel the warmth of your hand as it smacks my cheek. _

_Food has lost its taste and pranks seem such a thing of the past. Stop sniggering Sirius._

_Anyways, my days seem lonely and dark without you in my life. Time feels like a wasted effort as I slowly drift away, a piece of my heart falling as I plummet. _

_Please save me from this endless turmoil I experience. Help me mend my bleeding heart. Come back to me my dearest. Let me hold you in my big STRONG ARMS. Sirius are you getting all this? _

_I shall be waiting for your call my lovely, until then my sweet. _

_Love always and forever,_

_James_

Pathetic isn't he? 'Save me from this endless turmoil'. I see he's been expanding his vocabulary.

Anyways I better go. Mother's coming and she's been in a foul mood ever since I got back. Till next letter, Evans.

Hugs and kisses,

Sirius


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: And now here's Lily's letter, written by ShadowW0lf!)**

Dear Sirius,

I'm fine; except for the part that Petunia had another fit when she saw my owl come through the window with a letter. Honestly, she needs to get a grip before I break the rules and bewitch her into a horse (which would be appropriate, considering her neck...)

Oh, and do me a good favor and send this to James:

_ Potter,_

_It's too bad--I miss being able to whack you across the face. It seems like a tradition now. You had better keep up those pranks--they're what make you...you, Potter. Make up a good one that I can slap you for. And you can wait a little while longer to hold me in your 'big STRONG ARMS'._

_Your 'sweet',_

Lily

Don't edit _ANY_ of that Sirius, or I'll throw you into the lake and ask the Giant Squid to eat you. Have to go now--Petunia's having a fit because I have friends who write me.

Lily Evans


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Lily-kins,

Petunia? Isn't that the muggle girl with the big eyes? Damn she's freaky. Her neck is really that long, eh? Her and Regalus would get along fine. Prat keeps trying to intercept my owl.

I'll do that. Jamsie will be so happy his little crush is writing to him. I'm grinning just so you know. Bet he'll have a field day with that 'Smacking' comment.

You still haven't answered my question, by the way. HOW DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR SO SHINY? I must know! Scratch that, James must know -- 'cause then he'll tell me.

Are you sure I can't maybe edit the letter a little? Maybe throw in a few comments like: "Oh Jamie! My heart screams for you at night! Tears fill my eyes because I know I can't be with you. My one true love has and always will be Sirius Black!"

Shut-up Regalus, I do not love myself. Scuse Evans. Have to beat Regalus to a pulp now. Until next letter!

Sirius

P.S: You'll really throw me to the squid? I'm deeply hurt. I'm tearing.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius,

Don't you _dare_ edit that letter, or I will feed you to Gingeviere (You are in love with yourself, Sirius). Better than the tiny mice he gets every night...though harder to clean up. And yes--Petunia would be just that. Maybe we should try to hook those two up.

It's called a 'daily shampoo and conditioner treatment', git.

I would throw you to the squid, it seems like a perfect death for you. Although...maybe it would be better if you died in about twenty years from know because some dark wizard attacked you...Who knows?

Damn it all, mother's gone up a wall because Gingeviere brought her another mouse carcass. I have to go clean it up. Tell Lupin I say hi if you talk to him!

Lily


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Lily,

I think Regalus would be very happy to have Petunia as a girlfriend. He's been trying to get one for weeks. Just doesn't have the Sirius Black charm, I s'pose.

I highly resent being called a git. For your information I am a highly intellectual being. Wow, that was a big word. I'm improving! Erm…you never read that.

Third, why can't I? Just a few words you know! Prongs'll never know!

You'd really throw me to the squid? I highly doubt that Lily-dear as everyone knows you love me. (Insert cheeky grin here)

You'd save me if I was ever attacked my a mean old dark wizard right? Right, Lily-kins?

Oh, I told Rem you said hi, by the way. He wrote a letter back…isn't that so like him?

_Dear Lily,_

_How are you doing? I thought it was really nice of you to say hi and I decided to write back. :) _

_I hope your summer is going well. Sirius has told me you've been his pen pal over the summer, that's sweet. Padfoot needs a good friend. _

Before I put the rest of this **charming** letter in I want to add a Padfoot note. _WTF REMUS?!_

_I've been doing well, mum and dad have finally booked that vacation in Greece so we've been here for two weeks. I really do miss you and hope to see you soon. _

_Remus_

Poor Remmy. He's alone with his parents not being able to see my gorgeous face! It must be killing him! And what the hell did he mean when he said I needed friends!? Sirius Black has many friends! I'd tell you but they wouldn't be able to fit in this letter.

Anyways I just sent that letter to James so it should arrive soon. Been nice, Evans, but I better go before Reg has a fit. Oh hell…he just ran to tell mother! Shit! Bye Lily!

Sirius (ly) in trouble


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Sirius,

Hope you didn't get into _too _much trouble. And I agree-- as long as Petunia didn't know he was a wizard, she'd like him very much

Send this to Remus:

_Did you get me anything from Greece? Ha-ha, just joking. I hope you guys had fun. Did you see Mount Vesuvius? Sirius doesn't really need another friend, after all, he's got the gang of trouble-makers...Have a fun summer!_

No editing, Sirius. Or I'll introduce you to my fist, okay?

Tell Regulus that (insert name of Lily's owl here) says hi. He'll know what I mean.

-Lily


	7. Chapter 7

Dearest Evans,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Mum wasn't to happy with me. Merlin I _love_ that woman...

Regulus is being a right git at the moment. Always prancing into my room, messing with my things. Do you know I had the whole Gryffindor Quidditch team figurines and he went and broke James' head off? Prat...

Anyways this letter's gonna be kinda short cause of my bruised hand. Why couldn't she have hurt the _left_?

James sent his reply back so I shall insert it here:

_Dear Lillian,_

_I've missed you too! And you know? I'm gonna plan a special prank just for you! It will even involve our favorite greasy haired git, Snivellus!_

_Oh, by the by, would you like to go out with me first Hogsmeade weekend? Last year you know. :D_

_Anyways as always I love you Lily dear and I shall see you soon! Ciao! _

_Jamsie Potter_

Lily, when I meet you next, gag me with a spoon and _please_ throw me off the Astronomy tower. I'm begging you.

Rem's letter still hasn't gotten to me yet, seeing as his owl is ancient, but when it does happen to get here I'll make sure to send it to you. 

I wonder if he got ME anything. I mean,. I am the great Sirius Black. He wouldn't forget about me, right? If he got Peter and James something and not me I swear I'll hex him.

I told Reg that Gingeviere said hi. He started screaming at me and threatening to hex me. He also said some other rather crude comments I won't mention.

I have to go now. Partly because my hand's killing me and because my owl keeps pecking my head. Did I mention what a sweet bird he is?

Ouch! That hurt, damnit! Bye Lily!

Love,

Sirius


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius,

Hope your hand gets better soon. Sometimes I'm happy that my parents don't really mind me writing to my wizarding friends...Either way, send this to James for me:

_James,_

_If you want to, you can use Gingeviere in the prank (you know how Snape hates him), just say so if you do. And I'll go to Hogsmeade with you. I need to get a new quill, and I know I won't be getting to Diagon Alley anytime soon. I'll write you later!_

_Lily_

Shut up, Sirius. I know what you're thinking. I'll have Gingeviere peck you when he gets to your mansion. (Ha-ha, mansion.) And Remus had better watch out, because I think that I had a dream that you turned him into a girl or something...oops.

_DON'T EVEN TRY THAT! He'll probably try to kill you..._

_Lily_


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Lily,

What are you a mind reader now? I was so not thinking what you thought I was thinking but I never thought in the first place. Eee...my brain hurts.

Thanks, its doing much better now, the bruising is down a lot more.

You and little Jamsie are going on a date? Aw! How sweet!

Your stupid owl did peck me as I tried getting your letter off. I tried giving him a swift kick too, but it kept flying away at the last second...

Now you're dreaming about me, Evans? Wow. You must love me more than I thought! I would love to turn Remus into a girl. :) I think it would suit him well. Thanks much for the idea. :-D

So how are you doing as of now? It's been what? 2 weeks since we started sending letters? Mum caught me hexing Reg the other day and sentenced me a weeks grounding. Damn wench.

Anyways I better go now before she decides to drop in. Have a nice one. :)

_Sirius _


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius,

Don't hurt yourself, now. You need your brain...for what, I don't know. And Gingeviere is a good owl. Don't make me tell him to peck you again--oh, sorry. Too late. Don't blame me if he pecks you again...

The only reason I'm dreaming of you, Sirius, is because either you or one of your fans hexed me. So shut your mouth.

Petunia is being a total maniac. She won't leave me alone...Damn it! She told mother that I turned a small part of her hair hot pink...I'm in trouble!

Bye! Lily


	11. Chapter 11

Lily,

I swear I'll kill this owl if it's the last thing I d-

Sorry bout that. Mum caught me...again. She wouldn't have if Reg hadn't been plotting my downfall the entire summer. I swear, he is being a total arse ever since 3rd year when I stopped sitting with him on the train.

Of course I need my brain! The Marauders would be a sad group indeed without me. (Cheeky grin goes here) :- 

I highly doubt one of my 'fans' as you call them would hex you. I mean, c'mon! Everyone knows you're dreaming about me of your own free will so don't pin the blame on me:D

Petty (Only I would call her that. XD Merlin I love me) being that much of a pain? That settles it. When we get back to Hogwarts I'm sending Reg to live there.

I received James' letter by the way:

_Lily,_

_I'm really glad you're coming with to Hogsmeade. I'm sorry we aren't talking directly this summer. My owl refuses to go anywhere farther than Sirius' house. XD_

_I'm home though from France. And I must say I'm glad. It was so boring...And don't worry Sirius. I got you and the guys' presents. Also got one for you, Lily- dearest! _

_Hey Siri, are we on for that Qudditch match this weekend? My parents offered to get you and then you can spend the remaining week here. :) We're gonna PARTAY! Just send me an owl with your reply. _

_Anyways I really must be off, Lil, Sirius. Talk to you guys later! _

_Love, James - Lily's part__  
__Your buddy, Prongs - Siri (I love ya buddy, just not that way. :-P) _

He is such a prat. "I love ya buddy, just not that way." Git. Eh, oh well. I'll see ya later, Evans and I might not be here for the weekend. Quidditch match, baby:-P I will however send owls from James'. :) You won't be totally alone.

Bye!

_Sirius_


	12. Chapter 12

Sirius,

If you kill Gingeviere, you'll have to buy me a new owl. Maybe a tiny, cute owl. Ouch! Gingeviere didn't really like that comment, the blithering git. Ah well, he's my loveable Great Horned Owl of...um--I think  
I'll end there.

Send this to James, if you will (isn't it fun being our  
personal mail man?)

_James,  
_

_Thanks for...whatever you got me. XP You'll have to surprise me on  
the train. Tell your mother that I said hi, and thanks for the end of the   
year cookies she gave me...Gingeviere liked them. Alot. See you soon!  
_

_Lily  
_  
Oh, and Sirius, tell Reg that I said "Hi, you giant git." D Thanks!

Lily


	13. Chapter 13

Lily,

Oh yes, I'm skipping in joy at being your personal mail carrier. I suppose some credit does go to Malikai though. He's the one delivering them. P

I might be able to buy you a new owl. Although I don't think Gingeviere would like that since he looks about ready to kill at the moment. When he gets home, might I suggest letting him out for a hunt? 0

You gave Mrs. Potter's cookies to your owl? You could have given them to ME! I wouldn't have objected. Although she already sent me three packages worth...Merlin I love that woman! 3

I realized something. It's really fun to put smileys . all over P the page. .D That one has a beauty mark... Erm... my random time is over.

What do you think James got you for a present? I kind of curious myself...maybe he got me a bag of dog biscuits...mmm...French flavoring...

Or maybe a poster with a hot French babe on it... Yeah... (Drowns in puddle of own drool) .

Well, I love ya Lily-dearest but as it's now Friday I have to pack for the Quidditch match. Say hi to the freaky chick for me! Patty? Perry...Pansy? NO that's not it... Petunia! There ya are!

Sugar, Spice and everything nice,

Sirius


	14. Chapter 14

**(A/N: This is IJustWannaBeMe speaking. We are SO sorry we weren't here! My computer crashed for awhile and I lost the chapter, then me and Usagi had school stuff to get through. Thank you for all of the nice reviews, they really mean a lot!)**

Sirius,   
Gingeviere is happy now...thanks for the 'suggestion' to let him out and  
hunt. Now there are at least five mice carcasses on Petunia's pillow. Somehow...  
Tell me how the Quidditch match was--I have to go. Mom's screaming about  
something. Oh, crap. I think Gingeviere got into the cookie jar. I'm  
doomed.

Lily


	15. Chapter 15

**(A/N: This is IJustWannaBeMe speaking. Nope, we're not dead. And how about this? 2 chapters in one day. Thank you all for being so patient! Keep up the reading and reviewing and thanks!)**

Lily dearest,

The Qudditch match totally rocked arse! Yeah the Canon's seeker crashed into the goal hoop at the last second making it possible for the other team to catch the snitch, but James's hissy fit was priceless. Oh bugger it; James wants to talk to you.

_Hey Lils!_

_I want to start off with saying Sirius is an enormous bigoted idiot, and that I love you Lily dear. I can't wait until school. How much longer now? 4 days? Oh Evans, when I see you next I'm going to kiss you and kiss you and-_

James!

_Right then. I'd put more in this fascinating letter but the chances this could be intercepted by rabid fan girls and used for some freakish fan fiction site is rather high these days. Anyways, love you darling, and say hi to your parents for me!___

_Love, James_

Well that was certainly...interesting. So how's Petty doing? (How on earth she can stand the name 'Petunia' I'll never know) When you see her next, tell her I'll name my first daughter Daffodil. Hehe! I just noticed! Your name and her name are flowers, woot! Score one for the big dog!

clears throat Right then. Well I'll talk to you later Lils! Gonna go drool over the French poster James got me! He also got me a rather nice shag carpet. Suggestive wink ...Oh alright, alright, keep your pants on. No suggestive wink there, love. James is having a fit.

Talk to you later!

Sirius (_And James_)


	16. Chapter 16

Sirius (And James...)

The Cannon's seeker actually ran into one of the goal-posts? snickers...Sorry, James...it's funny. This is for James:

_Only four more days? Oh no. I'll have to remember to bring up the 'James Barrier' before I get on the train so that you don't accidentally smother me..._

_And I think it's too late for the fanfiction site protection...I get a bunch of these letter opened and resealed...I think Gingeviere is being bribed. Evil owl..._

_Talk to you soon,_

_Love Lily_

Yes, name your daughter Daffodil. And watch me laugh as she grows up to hate you, Sirius. Watch out for your shag carpet--I'd hate to see your fleas move. They'd get lonely in the carpet.

Talk to you soon too,

Lily


	17. Chapter 17

Lily,

How dare you insult my fleas! They aren't that bad. Course I have gotten rather fond of the tail. Hold on. How'd you know I was an animagus anyway?

JAMES POTTER! I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU, YOU DIRTY LITTLE-

Scuse'um Lily-dear. I have to go kill your wonderful boyfriend. And my daughter would not hate me! She might dislike me extremely if I hovered over her and refused to accept her pleas at getting a boyfriend, but hey, what can ya do?

(P.S: Do you think that was run-on? You're the writer, Evans, not I. I just get the chicks. Cheeky grin)

I'll talk to you later, Evans!

Siri

($)Your owl has been intercepted ($)

Dear Mudblood,

Why are you even talking to my brother anyways? Why don't you just stick to your filthy friends, the blood traitors, the unworthy.

You know what this is, Evans? This is hate mail. This is payback for your little boyfriend stealing my brother from me. Oh! Suck on that!

Erm….

Why don't I just go after James, you ask? Because…he's big. Well, not big, but he is strong. I am NOT a wimp, Evans, if that's what you're thinking! Just because I choose to go after the weaker of the two, does not mean I'm weak!

Merlin, I have problems. Alright, scratch all of the insults up there, Evans. I just need help, and I figured you're the best one to go to. So can we start over? Counseling me would be a great help, you know? I think I have self issues.

What do you think?

Take care,

_Regulus Black _

**(A/N: This might be the beginning of another story after this one is finished. I figure about 5-6 chapters left, and you know how short they are. Figure two letters a day and four days left? If anyone wants to collab with me on my new story idea read below:**

**Summary: Regulus gets counseling from Lily. Not sure if it'll be a letter fic or a regular one/ But there will be tons of humor. Possibly some dark themes. It's all in my head, just need to get the idea on paper.**

Thanks you guys! And keep up the reviews, because they make us so happy and mean a lot!) 


	18. Chapter 18

**Sirius,**

Try not to damage James _too_ much, alright? I've known for a little while...I got it out of him.

Run-on? Maybe. I'm too busy to look right now, Sirius, sorry. Petunia's damn cat got in her, and I'm trying to get it out! Get away from Gingeviere, you evil thing! Gah...I'll hex it into Oblivion.

See ya, Sirius. Give my regards to James (as long as you haven't killed him)  
Lily

($)Separate Letter ($)

Regulus,

If you want help, honestly, just write me a letter instead of intercepting your brother's and piggy-backing it to me. And truthfully, I'd say you have issues if you insult me, your brother, and James, then ask me to forget them _and_ ask for help.

But you do need it, so fine. I'll listen. Under a few conditions, though. Firstly, _never_ call me a Mudblood. And second...yeah whatever. Just don't call me a Mudblood.

What do you need?


	19. Chapter 19

Flower child,

How in the _hell_ did you bribe him? James is my best friend; he wouldn't just betray me like tha- never mind. He just showed my five things he stole from my room. Way to go. I'm going to murder him, and then when he's dead I'll put Imperius on him and make him snog the Minister of Magic. Or perhaps your mom, think she'd like that, Evans?

Too lazy? Lily Evans too _lazy_? Has the world ended and I just don't know it yet? Unless I'm in hell...yeah, most likely in hell. Oh well, give my thanks to the big man up there, Lils. You know, the guy in white, got Charlie's angels or something? Good, goth, goat...god! That's the guy! Oh, and I'd be careful of that cat. It bites...

But anyways, I'll see you later, Lily! How many days do we have now? I've lost track...James says hi, by the way. Oh, and I realize you've been talking to Regulus lately. Malikai has not been happy he's been intercepted. When you talk to him again, tell him I said hi. He thinks the world's against him. It's the only thing he and the world see eye to eye on. See ya!

Sirius

($) Separate Letter ($)

Mud--Lily,

...thank you. This really does mean a lot to me. And I am sorry (No matter how much it kills me to admit it), I'm just going through some shit right now, you know? I feel like no matter which way I turn, people are always going to be pushing me in the opposite direction. I know it's hard to believe, but it was once me in Sirius's shadow, not the other way around.

Maybe I'm examining things to closely, maybe I need to step back and look at the bigger picture! ...though it certainly burned years ago...Or, perhaps I'm just being emotional, maybe I'm finally letting my feelings show in stead of keeping them locked. Or I just forgot to take my medication, shit!

The walls are closing in around me, and I see this little red centaur prancing out of my reach. I keep calling for help, but it doesn't listen. Red, blue, red, blue, pink! Hehe, pink, Evans! Can you see it? It's flying away!

Oh Merlin, perhaps I'm schizophrenic! Or emo...yeah, emo...no, definitely schizo. No, emo, schizo, emo, schizo!

Evans, I'm begging you, what the fuck is the matter with me!? Is it stress? I'm losing my edge, Lily. I'm talking to a muggle born whom I don't even really know. I'm completely out of character, I don't just go screaming things like dancing ponies...the hell is wrong with me?

Oh, wait...SIRIUS! That insignificant bigoted arse! He put something in my pumpkin juice last week, that's why I'm freaking out! Oh brother, I could do without your face, and without your neck, and your hands, and your limbs, and, to save myself the trouble of mentioning the points in detail, I could do without you altogether. Egotistical bastard.

Change of plans, Evans, I'm not nuts. And I still view you as scum. Ta-ta my lovely. And if I've said anything to insult you, I've tried my utmost, believe me.

_Regulus _

**(A/N: Gah, Regulus is such an ass in this one, sorry for the quick change. Not many letters left I don't think, around 1 more from each of them I think…then Hogwarts would start up again…just wanted to say thank you so much for the reviews, and thanks for being so patient, it means a lot to us! Lily is up next! - Iamme)**


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